Tango: Maureen Testo

Joanne:
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable --

Mark:
There's another way
Say something -- anything
Joanne:
Test -- one, two three --

Mark:
Anything but that

Joanne:
This is weird

Mark:
It's weird

Joanne:
Very weird

Mark:
Fuckin' weird

Joanne:
I'm so mad That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you

Mark:
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?

Joanne:
As a matter of fact --

Mark:
Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling

Joanne:
You're wrong

Mark:
Your heart she is mangling

Joanne:
It's different with me

Mark:
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

Joanne:
I think I know what you mean

Both:
The Tango Maureen

Mark:
Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'

Joanne:
Never!

Mark:
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

Joanne:
This is ... spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?

Mark:
Every time -- so be cautious

Joanne:
Did she moon over other boys --?

Mark:
More than moon --

Joanne:
I'm getting nauseous
(They begin to dance, with Mark leading)

Mark:
Where'd you learn to tango?

Joanne:
With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's. And you?

Mark:
With Nanette Himmelfarb, the Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.

(They switch, and Joanne leads)

It's hard to do this backwards.

Joanne:
You should try it in heels!
She cheated

Mark:
She cheated

Joanne:
Maureen cheated

Mark:
Fuckin' cheated

Joanne:
I'm defeated
I should give up right now

Mark:
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might

Joanne:
I'd fall for her still anyhow

Both:
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Makes you fall

Mark:
So you think, "Might as well'

Joanne:
"Dance a tango to hell"

Both:
"At least I'll have tangoed at all"
The Tango Maureen
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end -- you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue

Mark:
Why do we love when she's mean?

Joanne:
And she can be so obscene

Mark:
Try the mike

Joanne:
My Maureen (reverb: een, een, een..)

Mark:
Patched

Joanne:
Thanks

Mark:
You know -- I feel great now!

Joanne:
I feel lousy

(The pay phone rings. Joanne answers)
Honey, we're... (pause) Pookie?!
You never call me Pookie...
Forget it, we're patched.

(She hangs up, looks at MARK)

Both:
The Tango Maureen!