Gaston Testo

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd like to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!

No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston

No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

My, what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrah's!" Give twelve "hip-hip's!"

Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips

No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston

In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston

For there's no one as burly and brawny

As you see, I've got biceps to spare

Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny

That's right!
And every last inch of me's covered with hair

No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston

In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston

I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptooie!

Ten points for Gaston!

When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston

Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston

I use antlers in all of my decorating!

My, what a guy, Gaston!